For the second time in as many posts, we at PitH are proud to present a brand spankin’ new correspondent. Russell Arbuthnot (@ArbuOutThere in Twitterland) has been associated with the Abbotsford Heat hockey club over the past couple of seasons, but grew up playing, watching and otherwise obsessing about the beautiful game. He sat in the Pucked in the Head media seat at Saturday’s adrenaline-soaked Whitecaps FC match, and filed this ode to Kenny Miller’s cleats.

I’ll Be Alone Forever, Thanks to Kenny Miller
By Russell Arbuthnot

The Vancouver Whitecaps welcomed the New England Revolution  to BC Place stadium for the first time on Saturday night. Both clubs came into the game with streaks on the line: the Revs (5-5-5, 20 pts, 6^th in Eastern Conference) had collected points in each of their last 7 matches, while the ‘Caps (5-5-4, 19 pts, 7^th in Western Conference) had yet to lose a game at home this season.

Before kickoff, Steve Nash (sort of) riled up the Whitecaps’ faithful with a (somewhat) rousing rendition of  “White is the Colour.” It’s safe to say the title of “best singing voice on a local sports franchise minority-owner” still belongs to Michael Bublé — Nash’s many pitch problems were only outdone by the New England Revolution in the first half.

I’m not kidding. It’s not sure whether the visiting team’s boots were manufactured by Becel, but judging by the amount of time New England players spent on the turf in the opening minutes, someone had greased the cleats.

Despite the wardrobe malfunction(s), the Revolution jumped out to an early lead in the 10^th minute, when Juan Agudelo exposed a ‘Caps defensive hole the size of Nantucket before converting a lovely through ball from left back Chris Tierney. Just 10 minutes later, Kelyn Rowe doubled their lead on a wonderful finish from12 yards out. The Whitecaps’ defensive woes, which have dogged them all season, were once again proving to be costly. This team, however, is nothing if not resilient.

Maybe it was hearing goalkeeper Brad Knighton deliver a tongue-lashing to the back line, or maybe it was seeing the image of a parched Mr. Nash solemnly eating fries on the big screen that changed the intensity of the Vancouver squad. His thirst had to be quenched, and Knighton in all of his pink-clad fury had to be heeded.

It was Miller time.

More, including a rousing Ode to Kenny Miller’s Cleats, after the jump.

Kenny Miller, sporting the Captain’s armband, was the catalyst in the ‘Caps comeback at BC Place. The Edinburgh native, clad like his mates in arbutus brown, made an impressive run into the New England 18-yard box before being axed down by Andrew Farrell. The result was a red card, giving the Whitecaps a penalty kick and forcing the Revs to play with ten men for the remaining 67 minutes. Red-hot striker Camilo made no mistake on the PK, slotting the ball low to the left corner. The goal was his fifth in the last five games.

The 39^th minute brought us more of the high life, as Miller scored on a fabulous individual effort. Carlyle Mitchell, seeing his first action in the Whitecaps lineup this season, headed Bobby Shuttleworth’s goal-kick forward, before magic Miller flicked the ball to himself, heading it down to ground, then off his knee, then off his left foot into the back of the onion bag. The goal is deservedly nominated for the MLS Goal of the Week and you can and will see it later.

Really, I implore you to watch it. But don’t vote for it – I’ll explain why shortly.

The Whitecaps poured it on late in the first half, attacking the Revolution back line in waves. Nigel Reo-Coker, solid all night long, did most of the work on the ‘Caps 3^rd goal of the game. Carrying the ball from half, he busted his way through 3 defenders before laying off at the top of the 18 for young Russell Teibert. The up-and-coming Canadian midfielder floated a gentle cross to the edge of the 6-yard box where Jordan Harvey capitalized, casting the ball into the upper part of the net in the 42^nd minute. Martin Rennie’s squad went into the break up 3-2, despite falling behind early.

Now this is where I get emotional. And this is why you didn’t vote for Kenny Miller for MLS Goal of the Week.

The reason you didn’t vote for Kenny Miller is because he was outshone by another performance on Saturday night… by none other than Kenny Miller.

Seldom does true love blossom right in front of your eyes, but all in attendance at BC Place stadium witnessed the creation of a love so sincere, so beautiful, so boundless, so profound, that I truly have given up hope of ever finding love of that magnitude.

Kenny Miller’s right boot and the MLS-approved soccer ball are currently on the most romantical, tantrical honeymoon this side of Shakespeare. I tweeted it then, and I’ll reiterate it now: I would gladly marry Kenny Miller’s second goal, if only she’d have me.

In the 68^th minute, just seconds before the 69^th, Miller’s right foot stroked the ball with methodical fervor, sending her warmly to the back of the goal where she was tenderly caressed from all angles by the net. The Revolution goaltender, Bobby Shuttleworth, could do nothing but watch the blossomed romance sail over his head, blushing like a schoolgirl the whole time.

This is the goal you will vote for, and this is the goal that will leave you breathless. Watch it, along with the other nominees, here:

http://www.whitecapsfc.com/news/2013/06/vote-miller-mls-goal-week

It was a masterpiece of a goal, and an important insurance marker for the ‘Caps as they would (predictably) concede a goal late. Dimitry Imbongo barged uncontested to the net and pounded the ball past Knighton with authority in the 83^rd minute.

The Revolution, trailing 4-3 and playing a man short, would carry the play for the last 15 minutes, pushing the pace and trying to even up the score. Their best chance came off a Lee Nguyen free kick mere seconds before the final whistle. He whipped a shot from 30 yards out, forcing Brad Knighton to range high to his right and tip the ball over the bar – his finest save of the evening.

The Whitecaps held on for the victory to keep their home unbeaten streak intact. With the win, the Whitecaps moved ahead of the San Jose Earthquakes for 7^th place in the Western Conference, just 1 point out of a playoff spot.

Next up for the ‘Caps is a date with Chivas USA (3-8-2, 11 pts, 9^th in Western Conference) Wednesday, June 19 at BC Place. Kick-off is set for 7:00 pm.

NOTES:

• Kenny Miller, much maligned by observers last season, earned Man of the Match honours for his heroics and was recognized as the MLS Player of the Week.
• Miller’s size 10 and the ball have flown from Barbados to Sicily, where they will enjoy candlelit dinners aboard a gondola.
• Carlyle Mitchell earned his first MLS point, assisting on Kenny Miller’s first goal of the match.
• Camilo Sanvezzo’s team picture looks like a mugshot.

For your highlight-watching pleasure, please enjoy our man Miller dissecting the Revolution defense. Again, and again, and again.