The Globe and Mail’s Cathal Kelly has been making a lot of friends lately.

The sports columnist for the national rag has raised the hackles of more than a few with his coverage of the Women’s World Cup. He began on June 4th, with a mildly amusing and utterly harmless hit piece on the city of Edmonton in which he suggested that Toronto would have been a more appropriate host with the eyes of the world watching the opening ceremonies. He was half right. Edmonton wasn’t the best choice. Yesterday, Kelly continued to aggravate women’s soccer fans when he panned the entire tournament to date as boring and dreary. Once again, he wasn’t wrong.

There is something missing from (at least) this edition of the Women’s World Cup. Some have said that the jump from 16 to 24 teams was too precipitous, and the quality of play has suffered for it. There’s merit to this, as there were similar complaints the last time the men’s world cup expanded its field. Indeed, the women’s game might suffer more from this expansion as the game is so much younger in many of the World Cup debutant countries. One gets a “just happy to be there” vibe from many of the countries competing in their first world cup, and some of the score lines have certainly reflected this. Though having several teams in the tournament that aren’t quite ready for this stage is a part of the problem, I think there’s more.

The villain is the most important piece in any drama. Sure, everyone wants the hero to succeed, but if she’s not succeeding against anyone interesting, what’s the point? That’s why everyone tries to forget that Batman Begins happened and we just skip to The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger’s Joker is an all-time great villain while Liam Neeson’s Ra’s Al Ghul is “oh yeah, Liam Neeson was in Batman!” This tournament is, so far, way more Neeson than Ledger.

Abby Wambach is an unpleasant person. Egotistical to a fault, willing to blame anything from her teammates to the playing surface for her shortcomings, and no longer really possessing the talent to back up her smack. If you’re an American soccer fan, you love her. If you’re not, you hate her. Either way, you watch her. Past Wambach, is there one person in this tournament that you can point to and say “nobody likes her”?

Canadian fans will no doubt be shouting the name of Sydney Leroux right now, but come on. Nobody outside of Canada hates her. Hell, barely anyone inside Canada hates her. She bailed on our country, but outside of close followers of Canadian soccer she’s just seen as a highly talented soccer player with good looks and Canadian roots. So for one or two reasons, the Americans are unlikeable. Maybe three, if you count the over-the-top patriotism of their fans. I can’t honestly think of anyone else in this tournament that inspires even close to the kind of dislike that you see elsewhere in the soccer world.

Why are there no villains? Part of the problem is a lack of familiarity. The only women’s soccer league that’s easy to follow is the NWSL, and if you don’t happen to live in a city with a franchise it’s unlikely, based on their viewership numbers, that you follow the league. That’s a far cry from the men’s tournament, where most players of note are well known to the soccer-watching public from playing in a league that gets tons of exposure. We knew Suarez was going to bite someone before it happened. The only question was whether he’d go for some bland English food or hold out for some delicious Italian cuisine. It’s tough to get to know a player well enough to dislike them if your only exposure to them is the one friendly your national side plays against them every two years.

Just as significant as a lack of familiarity, though, is that women’s soccer’s greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. For all the protesting that we do that the lack of shenanigans in the women’s game is so refreshing, it’s also… kinda dull. It turns out that I sorta like diving. I don’t want the team I cheer for to dive, but I sure as hell like complaining about it when the ref falls for the wanker on the other team acting like he was shot! My team better not do it, but it’s awfully fun watching the diving pricks on the other team get carded for a flop! And yeah, maybe I could do without players surrounding the ref at the mere suggestion of a hard foul but it’s fun getting behind your players as they try valiantly but futilely to sway the referee’s decision. There’s nobody cheating in this tournament, nobody trying to gain that little extra edge through little tricks and mind games. Even Wambach isn’t counting to six for the referee.

I feel like a reverse Grinch. After years of living the virtuous life, opposing the cheats and the divers at every turn, I’ve discovered the true meaning of soccer and my heart has shrunk three sizes this day. Come on, people. Dive, cheat, yap, let the hate flow through you (and me), and give this tournament a needed spark.