All posts by Chris Withers

Ich bin ein frustrated fan of German hockey.

Wolfsurg Grizzly Adams has suffered the curse of Chris Withers this season.
Wolfsurg Grizzly Adams has suffered the curse of Chris Withers this season.

I probably should have done a little more research before I picked my “lockout team”. Of course, that would have flown in the face of the pact that Jason and I made early on never to research when sheer speculation and gut instinct could be used instead.

When I settled on EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams, it was primarily based on my German heritage and the team’s shall we say distinct uniforms. Little did I know that it would be next to impossible to watch the team. Continue reading Ich bin ein frustrated fan of German hockey.

Somebody Approved This: Adirondack Phantoms New Year’s Eve Jersey

Jersey: Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Only if ye auld acquaintance is wearing this abomination by the Adirondack Phantoms.

Years worn: 2012, New Year’s Eve game only.

Reaction: Long silences while people everywhere examined this twitpic of Zack FitzGerald’s shirt for signs of Photoshop tampering.

Most famous players to wear it: Probably Brayden Schenn, who was also the one to post the picture to twitter.

Why it’s great: The jerseys were a one-shot deal that were auctioned off after the game in support of a local transition house that assists homeless teenagers. Kudos for the community involvement, Phantoms organization. Grudging respect for the cufflinks in the shape of your logo. And maybe the pinstripes. Maybe.

Why it’s garbage:  It’s ORANGE! You’re wearing an ORANGE TUXEDO! You have black  right in your logo! You could have gone black-tie formal and done the same damn thing without looking like you pulled a design out of the Don Cherry reject pile. And while I’m fixing this design for you, if you’re going to shrink the logo anyways, put it on the breast of the jacket so it doesn’t look like a mouth. The first time I saw this thing I thought the guy with the bow-tie face was smiling at me and it’s still creeping me the hell out!

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
We’ll take a cup of
Kindness yet, but not before
You throw that shirt out.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997
EHC Wolfsburg Halloween jersey, 2012

 

Falling Stars – Abbotsford beat Texas 2-1 in a Shootout

Carter Bancks of the Abbotsford Heat faces off against Alex Chiasson of the Texas Stars in AHL action on December 15, 2012. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Carter Bancks of the Abbotsford Heat faces off against Alex Chiasson of the Texas Stars in AHL action on December 15, 2012. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

One night after dropping a 3-1 decision against the visiting Texas Stars, the Abbotsford Heat looked to put a few more pucks in a few more nets. They failed to do so, winning a 2-1 shootout decision over those same Stars to maintain their advantage atop the Western Conference.

Abbotsford came out of the gates quickly, perhaps fueled by head coach Troy Ward’s decision to give his players the morning skate off. Three quality scoring chances were theirs in the first two and a half minutes. The Heat held most of the momentum, in fact, until Joe Piskula took a hooking penalty at 6:22. From then on, Texas controlled most of the play, though Abby did a good job of keeping the puck to the outside and limiting the Stars’ chances. The best opportunities for both teams came within seconds of each other following that Piskula penalty. The Stars’ Alex Chiasson tried unsuccessfully to stuff a puck past Barry Brust from about three feet. The rebound was cleared, and Lance Bouma ended up with a short-handed breakaway the other way. Only a last-second stick check prevented the Heat from taking the lead while a man down.

As entertaining as the first period was, with scoring chances aplenty and a scrap between Chris Breen and Francis Wathier, the second period proved quite dull. The teams did manage to get on the scoresheet, with Texas’ Matt Fraser opening the scoring on a 2-man advantage 5 minutes in. The Heat responded 3 minutes later on a powerplay of their own, Krys Kolanos tapping in a gorgeous cross-ice feed from Ben Street. Other than that brief flurry of activity, however, you could’ve taken the period off, and indeed it seemed many of the players did.

Loads more after the jump.

Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.

Continue reading Falling Stars – Abbotsford beat Texas 2-1 in a Shootout

More Things That Amuse Chris During The Lockout

With the NHL continuing to alienate fans and sponsors at a rate not seen since the Foxtrax puck, I’ve taken to finding other ways to amuse myself recently. There remains an entire world of sport out there, and that world even includes hockey! Let’s take a look.

NHL Fans
Yes, NHL fans, you amuse me. Your desperation amuses me. Your “cautious optimism” regarding the players and owners meeting without Bettman and Fehr amused me, too. Let’s be clear here: every time you send a rage tweet @NHL or @NHLPA you are sending the message loud and clear that you’ll be back. That makes you part of the problem. The NHL doesn’t fear its fans because its fans have given them nothing to fear. You know what would make the league perk up and take notice? Silence. We’re in this position right now because everyone involved knows they can get away with it. If you really want to help, be quiet. A lack of attention is the only thing these corporate scumbags will understand. “Oh wait,” they’ll say, “those people who used to care enough to beg and plead with us to bring the game back are now eerily quiet.” I seem to have trouble taking my own advice, but that is not the point!

(More after the jump).

Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.

Continue reading More Things That Amuse Chris During The Lockout

Bulldogs heel before the mighty Brustache

Jason and Chris shared an elevator with Hockey Hall of Fame inductee and TEN TIME STANLEY CUP CHAMPION Yvan Cournoyer.

The top-of-the-league Abbotsford Heat were back in action on Friday night to take on the decidedly not-the-top-of-the-league Hamilton Bulldogs. With hundreds of Canadiens fans in the building to watch les petits Habitants, Abbotsford arranged to have Habs legend Yvan Cournoyer – he of the TEN Stanley Cup rings – in the building to drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff. Pucked in the Head absolutely did not intentionally delay our arrival so that we could share the elevator with him and get a picture. Mr. Cournoyer, who I’m happy to report is a very nice man who appeared not at all perturbed by two fanboys asking for his photograph in an elevator, cheerfully commented that he hoped it would be a good game. It was not. Well, not for the Bulldogs, it wasn’t.

Continue reading Bulldogs heel before the mighty Brustache

Somebody Approved This: EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams

Jersey: The 2012 EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams Hallowe’en jersey.

Years worn: 2012, one game only.

Reaction: “Ha! Look, the bear’s brains are showing!”

Most famous players to wear it: Niko Dimitrakos had a good run in the NHL. Kai Hospelt is the lone Wolfsburg player to have played in the Vancouver Olympics.

Why it’s great: Wearers of European hockey jerseys tend to resemble NASCAR vehicles more than hockey players. On this jersey, however, the advertising is pleasingly subdued. The jersey also has a huge zombie bear with a scythe. And more zombies in the background. And a font that drips blood! If you love Hallowe’en, it’s impossible to dislike this jersey.

Why it’s garbage: Less is supposed to be more, when it comes to design. The crew throwing this thing together leaped on the space freed up by the reduced advertising like an American on the local 7-11’s last remaining Twinkie and used it to cram in every piece of clichéd Hallowe’en imagery they could think of. “Hey Helmut, you forgot about the witch on the broomstick flying across the moon!” “Ah scheisse, sorry Jürgen! The right shoulder’s free, see if you can squeeze it in there!”

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
Braaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnns
BRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS
Zombies suck at poetry.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997

 

 

 

Episode 48 – What Lockout?


Chris wears a shirt that is destined for ugly jersey greatness, offers to help cheer your opponents into oblivion, and makes an inappropriate comment about his ancestors. Jason is his usual smug, snickering self, but he scores a few points for adding some of Bruno Mars “Locked Out of Heaven” into the opening of the podcast.

  • Introduction
  • Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars
  • Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway
  • Somebody Approved This: Grizzly Adams Halloween Jersey
  • We don’t really miss NHL hockey all that much
  • Taylor Hall on AHL hockey
  • Abbotsford Heat still don’t get attendance love
  • Jason strokes his own photo ego
  • Time for a Change by the Orchid Highway

Things That Amuse Chris During the Lockout

With no NHL hockey in the foreseeable future, I’ve been finding other things to amuse me lately. Lamentation about the lack of NHL hockey is not one of those things, so do not look for an opinion on the lockout here. Instead, come with me as we journey through the wonderful world of Chris’s new sporting landscape! Continue reading Things That Amuse Chris During the Lockout

Whitecaps vs. Galaxy Preview

These fans have more to cheer about than a longshot playoff game against the reigning league champs. They actually have evidence that Vancouver has some good soccer in their future. Photo stolen gratuitously from the web. Source: Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images North America

Well, it’s just about time. Tonight, at 7:30, every bloody reporter who’s ever heard of Major League Soccer can finally stop talking about how the Whitecaps ARE the first Canadian team in the MLS playoffs, and, in all likelihood, start talking about how the Whitecaps WERE the first Canadian team in the MLS playoffs. Continue reading Whitecaps vs. Galaxy Preview

The Vancouver Whitecaps Are Old

Okay, Captain Jay Demerit isn’t Methusela, exactly, but he is feeling the effects of age, judging by a recent tweet. The team, in turn, is feeling the effects of his age, judging by stats compiled by our very own Chris Withers.

The Whitecaps are bone-creakingly old. At the start of the year, they were the oldest team in the MLS at 29.71 years. Then they traded Eric Hassli, Davide Chiumiento left and Barry Robson and Kenny Miller, both years older than their predecessors, were brought in. Age can be a good thing. One need only watch the masterclass that YP Lee usually puts on at right back to see the benefit of experience. But Captain Jay Demerit showed the downside of age in a tweet yesterday: “With every game I play, my body reminds me of how old I actually am. Good thing mind keeps telling me im 23. #sore #keepgoingJay #gocaps.” Continue reading The Vancouver Whitecaps Are Old