Category Archives: Articles

Not Enough Wrinkles

Most people don’t really like wrinkles. They tend to be a byproduct of growing old and preliminary research has confirmed that aging has been linked to all sorts of health issues. And if they aren’t representative of aging, they likely signify prolonged exposure to water, which, let’s be honest, is the worst part of prolonged exposure to water.

Think about that last grocery receipt you threw out. It was garbage. Trash. Deemed unworthy to keep amongst your possessions, so you chucked it away. I’d wager that before you tossed it in the trash, you crumpled it up, rendering it into a ball of wrinkled rubbish to reinforce its uselessness.

Where and how most of my articles end up.
Where and how most of my articles end up. Photo found by google searching “crumpled paper.”

Wrinkled carpets are perilous tripping hazards.

Billions of dollars have been spent on developing wrinkle-reversing creams and wrinkle-resistant clothing, because that’s how much we hate wrinkles.

But I’m here to tell you that wrinkles can be helpful. And when it comes to the Vancouver Whitecaps, an extra crease on their complexion might be just what the doctor ordered. Continue reading Not Enough Wrinkles

Meet your Team Canada — 2015 Women’s World Cup

The 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup is set to get underway in a few days’ time. For those new to the game, as they say, you can’t tell the players without a program — so here’s the Team Canada roster, including social media info for your tweeting pleasure.

Team Canada, the host team of the 2015 FIFA Women's World Cup. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada, the host team of the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
#PosNameAgeTwitterRecent photo
9FJosée Bélanger29@joseebelanger9
Team Canada forward Josée Bélanger moves the ball upfield during an international friendly. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada forward Josée Bélanger moves the ball upfield during an international friendly. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
3DKadeisha Buchanan19@keishaballa
Kadeisha Buchanan communicates with her teammates during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Kadeisha Buchanan communicates with her teammates during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
15DAllysha Chapman26@allyshachapman
Team Canada forward Cllysha Chapman during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Allysha Chapman during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
16FJonelle Filigno24@JFiligno
Forward Jonelle Filigno in her official Team Canada portrait. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Forward Jonelle Filigno in her official Team Canada portrait. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
17MJessie Fleming17@_jessiefleming
Team Canada midfielder Jessie Fleming during international friendly action against England earlier in 2015. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Jessie Fleming during international friendly action against England earlier in 2015. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
5DRobyn Gayle29@RobynGayle5
Team Canada defender Robyn Gayle moves the ball upfield during international friendly action against Sweden. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Robyn Gayle moves the ball upfield during international friendly action against Sweden. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
18MSelenia Iacchelli28@syacc
Team Canada midfielder Selenia Iacchelli takes stock of the situation during training for the 2015 Women's World Cup. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Selenia Iacchelli takes stock of the situation during training for the 2015 Women's World Cup. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
6MKaylyn Kyle26@KaylynKyle
Team Canada midfielder Kaylyn Kyle in international friendly action against England in May 2015. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Kaylyn Kyle in international friendly action against England in May 2015. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
21GKStephanie Labbé28@stephlabbe1
Keeper Stephanie Labbé leaps for a ball during Team Canada training in Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Keeper Stephanie Labbé leaps for a ball during Team Canada training in Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
22MAshley Lawrence19@A_Lawrence99
Team Canada midfielder Ashley Lawrence lays her right foot into the ball during an international friendly against England. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Ashley Lawrence lays her right foot into the ball during an international friendly against England. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
23GKKarina LeBlanc35@karinaleblanc
Keeper Karina Leblanc blocks a shot during Team Canada training. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Keeper Karina Leblanc blocks a shot during Team Canada training. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
19FAdriana Leon22@LeonAdriana9
Team Canada forward Adriana Leon pushes upfield during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada forward Adriana Leon pushes upfield during international friendly action. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
8MDiana Matheson31@dmatheson8
Team Canada midfielder Diana Matheson scoots along the flank during international friendly action against Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Diana Matheson scoots along the flank during international friendly action against Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
1GKErin McLeod32@erinmcleod18
Keeper Erin McLeod in her official Team Canada portrait. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Keeper Erin McLeod in her official Team Canada portrait. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
4DCarmelina Moscato31@cmoscato4
Team Canada defender Carmelina Moscato looks to clear a ball during an international friendly against the USA. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Carmelina Moscato looks to clear a ball during an international friendly against the USA. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
20DMarie-Eve Nault33@menault20
Team Canada defender Marie-Eve Nault pushes the ball upfield during international friendly action against Italy. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Marie-Eve Nault pushes the ball upfield during international friendly action against Italy. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
13MSophie Schmidt26@sophieschmidt13
Team Canada midfielder Sophie Schmidt crosses the ball during international friendly action against the Republic of Ireland. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Sophie Schmidt crosses the ball during international friendly action against the Republic of Ireland. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
11MDesiree Scott27@MsDScott11
Team Canada midfielder Desiree Scott steals the ball during international friendly action against the USA. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada midfielder Desiree Scott steals the ball during international friendly action against the USA. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
10DLauren Sesselmann31@lsesselmann
Team Canada defender Lauren Sesselmann keeps position during an international friendly against France. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Lauren Sesselmann keeps position during an international friendly against France. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
12FChristine Sinclair31@sincy12
Team Canada striker Christine Sinclair closes in on yet another scoring opportunity during an international friendly against South Korea. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada striker Christine Sinclair closes in on yet another scoring opportunity during an international friendly against South Korea. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
14FMelissa Tancredi33@MelTancredi14
Canadian forward Melissa Tancredi chests down a forward ball during an international friendly against Japan. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Canadian forward Melissa Tancredi chests down a forward ball during an international friendly against Japan. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
7DRhian Wilkinson33@rhirhi8
Team Canada defender Rhian Wilkinson directs traffic prior to a throw-in during an international friendly. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Rhian Wilkinson directs traffic prior to a throw-in during an international friendly. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
2DEmily Zurrer27@emme_z
Team Canada defender Emily Zurrer tracks down a ball during an international friendly against Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.
Team Canada defender Emily Zurrer tracks down a ball during an international friendly against Germany. Photo courtesy of Soccer Canada.

Hawks in five

The Stanley Cup final promises to be one of the most entertaining in years. The Chicago Blackhawks are on the verge of their third Stanley Cup win in six years, which would put them as close to unlocking the dynasty achievement badge as we’re likely to see a team get in our lifetimes. Good lord, look at the roster: there are four legitimate Hall of Fame candidates in their top six alone. Across the ice, Steven Stamkos wants to cement legend status by winning his first; it may be surprising scoring machine Tyler Johnson, and not the suddenly clutch goaltender Ben Bishop, who gets him that ring.

Jonathan Toews and Steven Stamkos go head to head in the 2015 Stanley Cup final. Images wontonly stolen from the interweb.
Jonathan Toews and Steven Stamkos go head to head in the 2015 Stanley Cup final. Images wontonly stolen from the interweb.

Both teams had ten players score in double digits in 2014-15, and both teams had dominant goal differentials (Tampa was second overall at +51, while Chicago’s +40 was fourth). The season series was split at a win apiece, with the Hawks taking an overtime 3-2 decision and the Lightning shutting out Chicago 4-0. Keep in mind that second game took place just after Patrick Kane fractured his clavicle; Bishop likely won’t be earning many more shutouts in this series.

Forwards — advantage Hawks

The Bolts were the top team in scoring this year. Stamkos had 43 goals by himself, while Johnson and Nikita Kucherov each added 29.  After the top line, fans outside the Atlantic Division may ask themselves, “Who the hell is that?” — Cedric Paquette and Alex Killorn aren’t exactly household names — but suffice it to say that this is a team with a few mid-grade weapons at its disposal. That said, the bottom six has contributed just one goal out of the past 20 for the Lightning.

The Hawks have Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Marian Hossa and Patrick Sharp to throw over the boards. They’re tired? How about Conn Smythe winner Brad Richards, or playoff performer extraordinaire Andrew Shaw? This team may not have led the league in scoring — they were 16th overall, in fact — but they know how to score when it counts, and they’ve only gotten stronger as a unit as the playoffs have gone on. Witness the complete Game Seven shutdown of the vaunted Anaheim Ducks roster. Check Toews’ insistence upon dominating important games.

Clutch.

Defensemen — advantage Hawks

Duncan Keith was insane in the final two games against the Ducks. He saw nearly 28 minutes of ice in that exhaustingly intense Game Seven, and remember this is a series that saw two looooooooong overtime games early on. Niklas Hjalmarsson wasn’t far behind at 26:45, and in fact the Hawks rely pretty damned heavily upon their big top four. Brent Seabrook and Johnny Oduya were both over 23 minutes.

On the other side, Victor Hedmanand Anton Stralman  are the only men getting even close to this kind of ice time. Jason Garrison and Matt Carle hover around the 20-minute mark, but lose their effectiveness should they be asked to up that substantially. These guys are good depth blueliners — look at Garrison’s number five spot when he played in Vancouver — but lack the footspeed and game smarts to deal with Chicago’s wave-upon-wave of finesse-laden attack.

Tampa Bay Lightning goaltender and Mayberry mayoral candidate Ben Bishop
I’m sure Tampa Bay Lightning goaltender and Mayberry mayoral candidate Ben Bishop is a nice fella, but does this look like a Cup winner to you?

Goaltending — advantage Bolts

Herein lies Tampa Bay’s best chance at a second championship in franchise history. Ben Bishop had far fewer hiccoughs than highlights; Corey Crawford, on the glove hand, too often relies upon that stable of scorers to outshine his bad nights.  Good grief, he let in nearly three goals a game against the Ducks. If Stamkos & Co. get in his head, this series — and thus the Cup —could go south in a hurry.

Coaching — advantage Hawks

There are cookie crumbs in Joel Quenneville’s moustache  that have been behind an NHL bench longer than Jon Cooper. Sure, the latter presents Jon Cooper’s story, but Coach Q’s duster has kissed two Cups and a Jack Adams award. Quenneville is the winningest coach among active bench bosses — not including playoff totals, he has 653 more NHL wins than Cooper. Look, I’m not saying anything bad against the new guy. It’s just that, well, Q has been there. Coops has read about it. You’ve gotta go with the experience.

Prediction: Chicago Blackhawks in 5.
Conn Smythe: Duncan Keith

Blackhawks in 5.

Chicago Blackhawks versus Tampa Bay Lightning in the 2016 Stanley Cup final.
The Chicago Blackhawks will win their third Stanley Cup in six years when they take on the Tampa Bay Lightning this week.

Episode 68: the last Whitecaps home match for six weeks

Russell and Jason wax poetic on the beautiful game, specifically with respect to the Vancouver Whitecaps upcoming six-week road swing.

• Introduction
• Thanks John
• Whitecaps take a loooooong road trip
• Want to be an MLS referee? Your fraud charge is no problem!
• Whitecaps got jobbed in Colorado
• Even the Rapids thought it was a bad call
• The Whitecaps haven’t inspired much confidence
• July and August will be hectic, to say the least
• Is Pedro back?
• Are Kah and Waston worth the fouls and cards?
• Fix You by Coldplay
• There’s always money in the banana stand

The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps FC scored thrice and earned three points with a 3-nil shutout of the visiting Philadelphia Union. Photos by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Darren Mattocks scores on the Philadelphia Union. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Darren Mattocks scores an impressively athletic goal against the Philadelphia Union to cap off a 3-0 Whitecaps win at BC Place. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head

Episode 67: Babcock, Russians and Brian Burke’s ego

Russell and Jason wax poetic on a range of hockey topics, from Mike Babcock’s monster contract to Brian Burke’s monster ego and Ilya Kovalchuk’s monster cajones.

• Introduction
• Pop Tart Girl by the Orchid Highway
• The Russians have left the ice
• McKayla is unimpressed with Ilya Kovalchuk
• Kudos to Alex Ovechkin
• Mike Babcock is a Leaf. What a shocker
• Kessel & Phaneuf, your days are numbered
• Brian Burke, one ego to rule them all
• Will there be apotheosis for Babs in T-dot?
• Who will be GM?
• The Wreck of the Maple Leafs Season — a parody by Peter Gross

Even McKayla Maroney was unimpressed with the Russians' lack of sportsmanship at the recent World Championships.
Even McKayla Maroney was unimpressed with the Russians’ lack of sportsmanship at the recent World Championships.

Episode 66: Mariners talk, round one

Jason sits down with John Stewart, Pucked in the Head’s official baseball correspondent in the Emerald City. Music this episode by Vancouver-based rockers The Matinée.

  • Introduction
  • John Stewart, ladies and gentlemen
  • John’s shower is a puzzle worthy of Perseus himself
  • A quick trip in the way back machine
  • Dave Niehaus, the Jim Robson of baseball
  • Felix Hernandez, future resident of Cooperstown
  • James Paxton throws one pitch. Really well, but still.
  • Pitchers are like noodles
  • Felix has it all
  • The bullpen has had a slow start
  • Call of the Wild by the Matinée
  • There’s always money in the banana stand
John Stewart and his son Matt visit the Dave Niehaus memorial at Safeco Field in Seattle.
John Stewart and his son Matt visit the Dave Niehaus memorial at Safeco Field in Seattle.

Cascadia Comedown

Whitecaps Wednesday

If the Whitecaps have designs on banking a few points at home before heading out on a six-week road trip, it may be wise for them to reengineer their method of doing so. Mind you, for much of the season to date they have been incapable or unwilling to evolve their tactics when the occasion demands it, however now may be a better time than ever to get creative.

In a game that should have been interesting if not intense, the Sounders were far and away the better team in front of the fans at BC Place for the vast majority of the 90+ minutes. The loss comes on the heels of a disappointing draw against Edmonton in Canadian Championship play on Wednesday and did little to alleviate the mounting pressure to perform at home.

Maybe that upcoming lengthy road trip isn’t such a terrible thing after all.

Coach Carl Robinson of the Vancouver Whitecaps FC. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Coach Carl Robinson can’t be pleased with his team’s performances at home this season. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Continue reading Cascadia Comedown

Episode 65: Whitecaps atop the MLS table

Russell and Jason, awash in the euphoria of another Whitecaps home win, record under the dome at BC Place.

• Steve Ewen bumper
• Russell was conceived to A Flock of Seagulls
• The Whitecaps should beat the Union
• Robbo concedes his side should have won this game
• This is why Edmonton can’t have nice things
• Pedro had himself a tidy little game
• David Ousted: save of the week?
• Whitecaps are too deep to lose to Edmonton
• Darren Mattocks inspires our musical selection
• Pedro Morales — You’re Welcome!

Darren Mattocks scores on the Philadelphia Union. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Darren Mattocks scores an impressively athletic goal against the Philadelphia Union to cap off a 3-0 Whitecaps win at BC Place. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head

Episode 64: Hating every minute of it

Pucked in the Head records under the dome of BC Place after a Whitecaps win, and the boys discuss the after effects of Jason’s first-ever full marathon.

The BMO Vancouver Marathon medal is purty. But yeah, totally not worth it. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The BMO Vancouver Marathon medal is purty. But yeah, totally not worth it. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

• Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway
• Recording under the big roof
• 42.2km is a looooong way
• People along the route are quite lovely
• Be quiet or I will cut you
• Anyone want to sponsor a trip to Greece?
• Halfs are the way to go
• How do you spell recovery?
• Watch out, nipples!
• Who’s got two thumbs and ain’t an elite runner?
• BMO Vancouver Marathon route
• Some spectators make a day of it
• Portland, here I come
• Russell says, “Nope, nope, no, nope, nope, no.”
• I Ran (So Far Away) by A Flock of Seagulls

You've gotta be bananas to run a full marathon. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
You’ve gotta be bananas to run a full marathon. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The BMO Vancouver Marathon map. I saw this a full year before the event, and somehow didn't manage to invent an excuse to not run the damned thing.
The BMO Vancouver Marathon map. I saw this a full year before the event, and somehow didn’t manage to invent an excuse to not run the damned thing.

 

Episode 63: We’re Blue, We’re White

Russell and Jason queue up a little of the beautiful game — specifically a review of the impressive start to the Vancouver Whitecaps 2015 MLS campaign.

• Exploding intros
• Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway
• Pedro likes to doff the jersey, doesn’t he
• Laba gets too handsy for our taste
• More like the Yellowcaps, amirite?
• Kendall Waston: the Todd Bertuzzi of MLS
• Arbuthnot’s prognosticatin’ successes
• Ousted has been Oustanding
• Techera and Earnshaw — as good as their billing?
• Vastly improved depth
• Russell doodles with the best of them
• Next World by the Orchid Highway
• Again! Again!