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EA Predicts a 3-0 week for Vancouver Canucks

EA Predicts a 3-0 week for the Vancouver Canucks

By Jake Hall

If video games have taught us anything, it's that video games can't teach us anything. EA Sports NHL 13 predicts a 3-0 week for the Vancouver Canucks. Image ripped unapologetically from the internet.
If video games have taught us anything, it’s that video games can’t teach us anything. EA Sports NHL 13 predicts a 3-0 week for the Vancouver Canucks. Image ripped unapologetically from the internet.

It’s been a tough few weeks for Canucks fans. Injuries to stud Ryan Kesler and stalwart Kevin Bieksa, coupled with lacklustre play from the rest of the boys, have helped the Canucks plummet from the league stratosphere they’ve enjoyed for a couple of seasons now. They’ve won just three games in their last 12, and more often than not are fighting to tie games up in the last few minutes just to gain a measly Bettman point.

It’s OKy, though, because the next game is an easy matchup against Columbus…. Wait they’ve won five straight, including one against Vancouver? A world where the Canucks arenʼt leading the Northwest Division and the Blue Jackets beat Detroit twice in three tries is a world I donʼt want to live in.

Well, it is safe to say that it won’t be an easy week for the struggling Canucks. After Nationwide Arena tonight, the boys head home to Rogers Arena to host Shea Weber and the Nashville Predators, followed by the always-dangerous and eternally deep Red Wings.

Which Canucks team will show up? Luckily, you don’t have to guess which half of the Vancouver Jeckyll-and-Hyde Show will strap on skates for these three games. We at Pucked in the Head have enlisted EA Sports to prognosticate for us. I’ll attempt to make the roster as authentic as possible (i.e Kesler hurt, Ebbett back, Schroeder sent to minors, Luongo starting against Columbus). Also included are my predictions for this week’s lines (Burrows centering the 2nd, Kassian with the Twins, etc.)

Vancouver Canucks at Columbus Blue Jackets
Tuesday, March 12, Nationwide Arena

EA Sports has Luongo making consecutive starts, and earning consecutive wins, against Columbus and Nashville this week. Image stolen without prejudice from the web.
EA Sports has Luongo making consecutive starts, and earning consecutive wins, against Columbus and Nashville this week. Image stolen without prejudice from the web.

If NHL 13 is any indication, the Canucks will break out offensively against the Jackets. There will be no need for overtime this time around, as we’ll see a big night from the Canucks new second line (LW- Raymond, C-Burrows, RW-Hansen) find some instant chemistry scoring twice in the first period (Burrows, Hansen) and then again in the third (Burrows). The Canucks will cruise to an easy 3-1 victory. And Luongo? He’ll have had a relatively simple day, only facing 20 shots.
Result: 3-1 Vancouver.

Vancouver Canucks vs Nashville Predators
Thursday, March 14, Rogers Arena

Up next for the ʻNucks are the big, bad Predators. Coming off that win against Columbus, the Canucks will get back to their recent habit of starting games slowly against Nashville. Colin Wilson and Patrick Hornqvist will open up the scoring, as Luongo gives up two goals on six shots in the first period. However, Kevin Bieksa and Jason Garrison (on the power play — are you listening, Alain Vigneault?) will answer for the Canucks to tie the game in the middle frame. In the third period, the Canucks will build on the momentum, as a goal from Daniel (from Henrik, naturally) is destined to be the game-winner.
Result: 3-2 Vancouver.

Vancouver Canucks vs Detroit Red Wings
Saturday, March 16, Rogers Arena
Note: the Canucks are scheduled to wear their new Vancouver Millionaires third jerseys in this game. Henrik Zetterberg & Co. are so upset that they aren’t wearing their Winter Classic D sweaters that they’ll barely be able to climb over the boards.

By now the Canucks will a nice little streak going, which this season means they’re in for a let-down game. Maybe it’s the beautiful maroon jerseys or the loud Saturday crowd, but the Canucks come out flying against Detroit. Using Cory Schneider for the first time in six days will turn out to be hugely beneficial, as he will get his second shutout of the season. The Vancouver offense will channel the ghosts of Cyclone Taylor and Barney Stanley, offering up four different goal scorers on the night: D.Sedin, Higgins, Kassian (2), Sestito…yes, you read that right. Tom Sestito, all 6’5” and 230 pounds of him, will pot his first of the year against Jimmy Howard and the mighty Wings.
Result: 5-0 Vancouver.