With the ridiculous annual corporate wankfest that is the MLS All-Star Game once again looming on the horizon, Pucked in the Head has a very important message for all you Whitecaps fans: vote green and white! Portland is having a stellar season, currently sitting in 3rd place in the Western Conference with two games in hand on 2nd-place Real Salt Lake. Their players absolutely deserve the honour of competing in this ridiculous annual corporate wankfest. I assure you that this has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the fact the game takes place on July 31st, just three days before Vancouver has to play a Cascadia Cup match against the Portland Timbers. No siree, Bob. We are absolutely not suggesting that you should attempt to rig the fan voting to ensure that the Whitecaps have the best possible chance of winning their derby the following weekend. Nope.
The MLS All-Star Game is a unique event. Several years ago, the league abandoned the East vs West format they’d been using for most of their history (probably because they realized there weren’t 22 players in the league at the time that could legitimately be called “stars”) and began bringing in a team from overseas to play a single MLS All-Star team. This year, Italy’s AS Roma will be making their way over led by captain Francesco Totti so that Kansas City residents can pay exorbitant fees to watch two teams try their best not to get injured.
With fan voting now officially open, let’s take a look at Pucked in the Head’s suggested ballot.
Goalkeeper: Donovan Rickets (POR) – Roma won’t have a chance against that 10th-best 72% save percentage.
Darren O’Dea (D – TOR) – Do it! Just for the comedy of voting a TFC defender into the All-Star Game, you have to do it!
Michael Harrington (D – POR) – Harrington is no stranger to ridiculous things, having played four seasons for the Kansas City Wizards.
Aurelien Collin and Matt Besler (D – SKC) – Kansas City is full of nice people, and I’m sure they’ll love the opportunity to cheer on some home-town players. Here you go, people of Kansas City. Our gift to you.
Diego Chara (M – POR) – Surely Diego will channel the spirit of his giant hockey-playing namesake and annihilate the advancing Roman legions.
Atiba Harris (M – COL) – I actually like this guy. Former Whitecap having a breakout year in the mile-high city. Good for you, Atiba. Enjoy your moment.
Will Johnson (M – POR) – Good Canadian lad. Also, giant asshole. *Thumbs up.*
Diego Valeri (M – POR) – I don’t really have anything funny to say about Valeri. He’s… well he’s pretty good at soccer.
Marco DiVaio (F – MTL) – A veteran of Serie A, we might as well get someone in there who knows what it takes to beat Italian competition. There’s also the slim hope of a debilitating injury.
Darlington Nagbe (F – POR) – This guy might have been a Whitecap but for going all Steve Francis on the club. Screw him.
Vote early, vote often! Here’s the link: http://www.mlssoccer.com/all-star/2013/vote