It was an off-season filled with questions after a second half meltdown left the Whitecaps 
on the outside looking in at the 2013-14 MLS playoffs. Where did it all go wrong? Would Martin Rennie keep his job? Who would step into the departing Y-P Lee’s boots? Could management finally land that elusive attacking midfielder?
Naturally, these questions can only be answered by a rousing playlist, featuring nothing but classic songs by classic artists.
I pored over the YouTube archives, spending no less than 32 minutes searching high and low for the finest musical contributions of the last 50 years. Now, without further ado, I present to you the:
1st Annual Whitecaps Off-Season Playlist!
1. The End by The Doors
Martin Rennie’s Departure
Martin Rennie drew criticism from many during the season. Fans and media alike questioned his personnel decisions and didn’t always appreciate the rosy picture he painted despite a complete collapse over the last part of the season. Already the third coach in the franchise’s short MLS history, his tenure ended shortly after the season, paving the way for a six week long, farcical search for his replacement.
2. Yakety Sax by Homer “Boots” Randolph III
The Search for a New Coach
Ahhh… the hunt for the fourth coach in four seasons. These were fun times. Frank Yallop! Nope, that ship has sailed to Chicago. Bob Bradley! Never mind, he wants to coach in Europe. Jason Kreis! Forget it, he’s taking his talents to New York. Well, there’s always good ol’ reliable Carl Robinson to step in! The club officially introduced Rennie’s (former) assistant as Rennie’s replacement on December 16, 2013.
3. Said I Loved You But I Lied by Michael Bolton
The Brazilian Turncoat Pt. 1
Last season’s Goal of the Year and Golden Boot winner Camilo said of Vancouver in October 2013, “I love this city, I love the support and I want to stay here a long time.” Not three months later, reports surfaced that the MLS All-Star and his agent were shopping his services to a Mexican club team. Liga MX squad Queretaro FC had allegedly extended him a more lucrative offer than what he stood to make in Vancouver.
4. Please Release Me by Englebert Humperdink
The Brazilian Turncoat Pt. 2
After the club initially denied rumours of Camilo’s treachery, photos of the Brazilian wearing Queretaro colours emerged, solidifying the reports. Newly minted head coach Carl Robinson, who had been backed by Camilo during the coaching search, flew to Mexico in an effort to convince the striker to reconsider. His pleas fell on deaf ears as Camilo informed the coach that “…his mind was made up.” This paved the way for the Caps to negotiate a “multi-million” dollar transfer fee with Queretaro.
5. I’ve Seen Better Days by Citizen King
Rock Bottom
The circus act surrounding the Whitecaps was taking a toll on the club’s front office and fans alike. They had lost their star striker and the perception was that they had lost out on a number of their desired coaching candidates as well. The “management committee” was subject to much criticism, leading the team’s supporters to question the direction and leadership of the franchise. That their Canadian rivals Toronto FC had made a couple of splashes already in the transfer market, landing big names in Jermain Defoe and Michael Bradley, only intensified the scrutiny. Times were bleak.
6. Movin’ Right Along by Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear
New Acquisitions and Optimism
As the off-season stretched longer, Carl Robinson got to work. He took the swirling negativity in stride and went about his business. Never appearing ruffled of flustered, the Welshman instilled confidence that the Whitecaps would recover.
2012 MLS All-Star Steven Beitashour was brought in to replace Y-P Lee on the backline and the midfield was shored up with the additions of Uruguayans Sebastian Fernandez and Nicolas Mezquida. Both of the latter also have the ability to take turns playing up front. The middle of the pitch was further bolstered this week when young DP Matias Laba was brought in from Toronto FC. He should be able to pair with Nigel Reo-Coker as a strong shutdown tandem for the Caps. And there are rumblings (reported as all but done) that the Whitecaps have found their coveted attacking midfielder in Pedro Morales. Movin’ right along indeed.
7. If I Had A Million Dollars by Barenaked Ladies
Just Desserts
Finally, we come to the end of our playlist. Queretaro FC’s ownership has recently had their assets seized due to fraud allegations. That sounds like a real shame. The situation is dire, and it’s been over a month since any of the franchise’s players, including Camilo, have seen a paycheque. Really, just such an incredible shame. At least he’s got the freshest, most delicious bowl of guacamole to cry into.