Tag Archives: Marian Hossa

Articles, Hockey

Because it’s the Cup

Notice it's FINAL. Singular. So yeah, stop saying FINALS with an 's' already. Logo stolen without shame from the interweb.
Notice it’s FINAL. Singular. So yeah, stop saying FINALS with an ‘s’ already. Logo stolen without shame from the interweb.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch the Boston Bruins and their road show of pulverizing ogres attack the fleet-footed wood elves that are the Chicago Blackhawks.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch the NHL showcase some of the shakiest referees to appear in playoff history.

Because it’s the Cup, I will scratch my head wondering how in hell the Hawks and Bs had never met in a final before now.

Because it’s the Cup, I will attempt — and most likely fail — to limit the number of times I use the word ‘douche’ to describe Brad Marchand.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Glen Healy and PJ Stock make unmitigated fools of themselves using only their words.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch countless people scream blue murder about whatever comes out of Don Cherry’s mouth.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Tukka Rask continue his impressive climb out of Tim Thomas’ borderline racist, definitely bizarre shadow.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Corey Crawford continue his impressive climb out of Antti Niemi’s I-can’t-make-an-adjectival-joke-here-because-I-still-feel-like-“Antti-who?” shadow.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Marian Hossa play like a frickin’ beast.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Zdeno Chara play as a frickin’ beast.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Jaromir Jagr make his first Stanley Cup Final appearance in 21 years.

Ohhhh, that's where Bolland is. Photo pilfered from the interweb.
You mean he is playing this year? Coulda fooled me. Photo pilfered from the interweb.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Dave Bolland — oh wait, no I won’t, because he pulled a disappearing act this post-season.

Because it’s the Cup, I will watch Jonathan Toews attempt to become just the second player, after Wayne Gretzky, to captain two championship teams before turning 25. Yes, Captain Serious was less than four years old the last time Jagr hit the NHL final round.

Because it’s the Cup, I will applaud these two teams even though they are roundly despised by pretty much every hockey fan in Vancouver.

Because it’s the Cup, I will hope and pray that the Hawks manage to score it up against the Bruins, because we as fans desperately need fast, creative hockey — not plodding, grind-it-out 1-0 yawnfests.

Because it’s the Cup, I will predict that the series winner will be scored by Brian Bickell in game 7 at the United Center.

Articles, Hockey

It’s time to Harperize the NHL

Marian Hossa was severely concussed by a late hit by Phoenix Coyote forward Raffi Torres. Torres received a 25-game suspension. This image was gratuitously stolen from the interweb.

The NHL’s justice system is broken. It’s gotten so bad that a lengthy suspension to a career predator who may have ended the season of a superstar is seen as laughable because of the suspensions that have gone before (or in the case of Shea Weber, the ones that have not gone before). Despite much acclaim early in the season, Brendan Shanahan has now clearly shown that, when the games really matter, he’s no better at meting out punishment than his predecessor, Colin “My Son Plays for the Bruins So I Won’t Suspend Bruins and Miraculously They Just Won the Cup How About That” Campbell. If the NHL wants to regain any measure of credibility it needs to look to (and I’m holding my nose as I type this) the Conservative Party of Canada. It needs to establish clear and consistent rules (not guidelines, rules) for what constitutes a suspension and the length of that suspension. It needs to establish mandatory minimums.

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