In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.
Note: This fugly spittoon shirt was originally leaked — or is that leaked upon? — as a proposed third jersey in 2011-12. We wrote it up then as the ugliest thing to come out of Long Island, and remember these clowns wore the teal and orange fishermen a while back. Sadly the lockout didn’t allow Charles Wang and his wandering minstrels of woe quite enough time to rejig the damned thing. Consequently, Isles fans are being forced to watch not only a crappy team, but a crappy team in disgusting uniforms.
Vancouver Canucks forward Zack Kassian is an ugly man. Photo stolen without shame from the interweb.
Over the past two weeks, the Vancouver Canucks have offered up fair-to-middlin’ performances against opposition they should beat. They lost 3-2 to the Calgary Flames and 2-1 to the Columbus Blue Jackets, both teams that haven’t made the post-season since John Garrett played goal for the Quebec Nordiques. Despite largely outplaying San Jose — and before you think the Sharks are a good team, they’ve lost to Calgary and Colorado in the past week — Vancouver got frustrated by goaltender Antti Niemi and lost 3-2 in a shootout.
Going into Minnesota Sunday afternoon, the Canucks found themselves just two points up on the Wild for the lead in a Northwest Division they’re supposed to win by default. But for Gary Bettman’s loser point, Vancouver is a .500 hockey team with three wins in 11 games, and they’re leading the division? Come on. They have got to win these games, and win them convincingly. Get off to a good start, take advantage of the power play and run up the score once in a while.
Canucks defenseman Kevin Bieksa took a page out of his Glenn Anderson playbook, swinging wide around Dallas Stars blueliner Philip Larsen before scoring the 2-2 goal in a 4-3 Canucks win. Photo ripped unceremoniously from www.canucks.com
Down 2-1 seven minutes into the middle frame of a late February game in Dallas, the Vancouver Canucks turn to an offensive juggernaut to tie the game. He accepts a lead pass from Dan Hamhuis at full speed, crosses centre ice and turns Stars defenseman Philip Larsen into a flailing, bellyflopping pylon.
Look! There he is fending off Larsen’s desperate poke check with the knee of a 70-goal scorer. There he goes, leaning into his attack on the net with the enthusiasm of Shane O’Brien ordering another round at the Roxy. And as he slips a cheeky backhander underneath Christopher Nilstorp — the pride of Malmo, Sweden — hockey fans around the Western Conference rejoice that life has been breathed into a Dallas Stars game. This man is resuscitating the position of power forward, surely!
Who is this offensive marvel with goals in consecutive games, with ice in his veins and a fire in his belly? Is it Zack Kassian, getting a long-awaited 6th goal after eight games of diminishing returns? Is it Ryan Kesler, continuing his upward trend since returning from injury? Or perhaps David Booth, finally making up for off-season exploits that sickened civilized Twitter users the world over?
Nope. Meet Kevin Bieksa. Power forward.
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The Canucks won the game 4-3, thanks in large part to Juice’s stunning foray into the offensive zone. Nilstorp called it a bad goal in his post-game scrum, and I’ve heard it said that any puck that goes through the five-hole is the goalie’s fault. That said, Bieksa took this rush out of the Bobby Orr playbook. I’d be shocked to hear even one commentator give the ol’ “that’s a goal Nilsy would like to have back” routine.
Jason Garrison turned in his best performance as a Vancouver Canuck on February 21, scoring just his second goal of the season in a win over the Dallas Stars. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Also prominent this game were Alex Burrows — his two brilliant screens late in the Chicago game were followed up by a tip-in and a give-and-go with Henrik — and Jason Garrison, who played his best game as a Canuck in the win. Just like the previous game in Chicago, I wasn’t a fan of two of the goals Schneider let in, but he made some big, big stops when Dallas pushed. Still, if Luongo had allowed that 2-1 goal by Brendan Morrow, the Twitterverse would be calling for his head.
Speaking of goalies, what in blue blazes is with opposing teams throwing third-string goalies at Vancouver. Even more troubling, why the hell are the Canucks having so much difficulty beating them? Leland Irving is the only dude they’ve been able to embarrass of late. Other than that, Vancouver has struggled to stay in games against Ray Emery in Chicago, Jake Allen with St Louis, and Darcy Kuemper for Minnesota in his first NHL game. Tonight, they hang on for a squeaker against Christopher Nilstorp, seriously? If this team is going to hang its hat on the fact that they have two All-Star calibre goaltenders, they need to start lighting up the fodder in the other crease.
I have a great deal of respect for NHL officials. Of all the major professional sports, hockey is surely one of the toughest to call. The rules are replete with grey areas, the standards they’re expected to apply change depending quite literally on which day it is, and the skill and conditioning necessary to keep up with NHL pace make the officials legitimate athletes in their own right. I’d like to see the league give them some tools to do their job more effectively. Continue reading Instant Replay Should Be Under Review→
Alex Ovechkin has been underwhelming since the Russians got spanked 7-3 by Canada in the 2010 Olympic quarterfinal. Photo borrowed from the über-talented Pat Molnar at http://www.patmolnar.com.
We started our series on surprises in the NHL with a look at Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils, who continue the play that took them to the Stanley Cup Finals last season. Loads of pundits called the LA Kings to roll roughshod over the Western Conference in defence of their championship, but you’ll be hard pressed to find one who thought the Devils would be the class of the East at the quarter pole after the lockout.
If we’re going to discuss head-scratchers, we have to talk about the Washington Capitals. They sit dead last in the league with just nine measly points after 13 games. Four years ago, this team was poised to become a perennial contender. They had an explosive core of offensive talent and an owner in Ted Leonsis who was willing to spend the bucks necessary to bring a Cup to DC.
More after the jump.
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Like any year in any sport, the shortened 2013 NHL season has provided some yawns, some gimmes, and some head-scratching surprises. Yawns: Despite throwing buckets of money at Zach Parise and Gary Suter, the Minnesota Wild are still a snoozefest every single night. Gimmes: No one is shocked to see the Calgary Flames and New York Islanders near the bottom of the standings. Head-scratchers: the apotheosis of Martin Brodeur and continued success for the New Jersey Devils.
With 1,200 games, 662 wins, 372 losses and 120 shutouts, Martin Brodeur has guaranteed himself not only a spot in the Hockey Hall of Fame, but a full-on apotheosis in New Jersey when he retires. Here we see how the ancient Romans thought of his work between the pipes. Photoshop hack job by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Why would we scratch our heads for Marty rattling off a few more wins, you ask? Read why after the jump.
Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.
Abbotsford Heat forward Ben Street, pictured here in action on on the last day of Movember, makes his NHL debut for the Calgary Flames on Hockey Day in Canada, February 9, 2013. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Congratulations to the pride of Coquitlam, BC, Ben Street on this Hockey Day in Canada. He makes his NHL debut tonight with the Calgary Flames at the age of 25 after being called up from his assignment with the Abbotsford Heat in the American Hockey League. He currently leads the offensively-challenged Heat in scoring, with 31 points in 44 games.
Street went undrafted by NHL teams, but earned a professional tryout contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins in 2010 after solid performance with his college team, the Wisconsin Badgers. He won Rookie of the Year in the ECHL Wheeling Nailers before being promoted to the AHL affiliate, the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins. Despite more solid numbers there — he got 57 points in 71 games last year with responsible two-way play — the depth chart up the middle in Pittsburgh is reportedly tough to crack. Some guy named Crosby, and another dude named Malkin, for starters.
Street signed with the Flames as a free agent in the off-season with the hopes of doing exactly what he does tonight: dressing for the big club just a few games into the post-lockout season.
Rip it up, big guy.
Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.
I haven’t been out shooting recently, so this is all you get: my ugly mug post-game next to the Abbotsford Heat ice surface. Photo by Kenkoy for Pucked in the Head.
Can you believe it? We’ve finally made 50 of these damned podcasts. Half a century of Pucked in the Head.
We yak about old guys, young guys, rule changes that should have been, and other fanboy wank. Jason hasn’t had his morning coffee, so in the course of today’s podcast, he threatens to drop the gloves with Gary Bettman, cut Chris open like a Tauntaun & climb inside for warmth. Of course, he’s talks a big game but he barely has the wherewithal to cut upon a steak if it’s too rare. He does, however, reach all the way back to the very first episode of this podcast — when it was still called Bernier is a Turd — to find Chris’s famous Andrew Alberts goat call.
Without further ado, here you go!
• Caffeineless crankypantses • Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway • NHL fans: these are the drones Bettman was looking for • Marty Brodeur: surprisingly good to start • Teemu Frontenac? • Staged fights suck balls • Don’t get beat up by Gary Bettman • Time to wrap it up • Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway • Thanks for listening (Andrew Alberts goat call edition)
Abbotsford Heat goaltender Barry Brust has played his pads off this season, much of it against NHL-calibre players. For contractual reasons, the Calgary Flames are not giving him the look he deserves. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
If you paid any attention to the Abbotsford Heat during the recent NHL labour dispute, you took notice of a couple of things:
1) The Heat gave up fewer goals than any other team in the league.
2) Barry Brust gave up fewer goals than any other goaltender on the Heat roster.
It’s a strange thing, even for longtime fans of the Heat. I mean, who is this guy, right? Brust came in on a one-year contract, but his name seemed to ring a few bells… And Flames fans are asking questions after looking at the numbers for their farm team.
More on Brust’s frustrating dance with the Flames after the jump.
Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.
Canucks goaltender Cory Schneider let in 5 goals on 14 shots in his first game as the #1 goaltender in Vancouver. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Coming into the 2013 season, Cory Schneider looked forward to his first action as an NHL starter. Halfway through his first game as the #1 guy in Vancouver — a game that was essentially a pre-season game, just with points that count in the standings — he had let in five goals on 14 shots, and the guy wearing #1 on his back was taking over the crease.
Immediately, people all over Twitter, on radio call-in shows and even in the booth on CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada started talking about goaltending controversy in Vancouver. What they didn’t talk about was the invisibility of Alex Burrows, the ineffectiveness of the second and fourth lines, or the shakiness of the “deepest defensive corps in the NHL”.
But yeah, goalie controversy, right? We thought we’d look at each goal one at a time to determine just who the goat and/or goats were. Here it is, right after the jump.
Pucked in the Head is taking part in the 2013 Ride to Conquer Cancer. You can help us reach our fundraising goal by throwing a few bucks at our campaign, at http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jasonkurylo2013.
In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.
I have a great deal of respect for NHL officials. Of all the major professional sports, hockey is surely one of the toughest to call. The rules are replete with grey areas, the standards they’re expected to apply change depending quite literally on which day it is, and the skill and conditioning necessary to keep up with NHL pace make the officials legitimate athletes in their own right. I’d like to see the league give them some tools to do their job more effectively. 
