Because we all need, from time to time, to feel like hey, at least we aren’t that guy, Pucked in the Head is pleased to bring you some news from the Oceania region.
The Federated States of Micronesia recently decided, for the first time in their history, to try and qualify for the Olympics in the sport of men’s football. For those unfamiliar with the tiny island nation, it’s, well, tiny. My garden shed is bigger than this country, as the Voyageurs’ chant goes, and I live in an apartment. The country has a total land area smaller than Metro Vancouver and a population base in the neighbourhood of Maple Ridge. The players had in most cases never left their own island prior to the tournament, and in some cases had never played 11-a-side football before. You might expect this qualification attempt to go poorly. You might be correct.
Micronesia, not a member of FIFA, was put into a group with Tahiti (182nd), Fiji (195th) and Vanuatu (200th) at the Pacific Games, an Olympic qualifying tournament. They lost to those teams 0-30, 0-38 and 0-46 respectively. That’s what happens when you use goal differential as a tie breaker. Here are some highlights, if you can bear to watch.
Canadian bobsledder extraordinaire Heather Moyse flashes her inhumanly perfect chicklets with her 2010 gold medal. Photo borrowed from www.heathermoyse.com
Obligatory shout out to Canadian athletes in Sochi this month, all of whom are representing Canada with style and grace. A special set of props go to our Canadian women, who have in the past few days tipped the hardware scales in favour of the women during the 2014 Winter Games. Kaillie Humphries and Heather Moyse joined an elite group in defending Olympic gold this week, taking first overall in the four-heat, two-(wo)man bobsleigh competition. In related news, Moyse may just have the most perfect teeth in the history of, well, teeth.
Dentistry aside, she and Humphries had an uphill battle in the third and fourth runs of the bobsleigh, as first-time American competitor Lauryn Williams and her partner Elana Williams pushed the Canadians to the final run before relinquishing the top spot. All of this despite undergoing hip surgery and taking nearly two and a half years away from sliding after the Vancouver Games. On the US side, Williams only started bobsledding in 2012 after taking a break from a career as an Olympic-level track star. She previously won gold at the Summer Games with the American 4x100m sprint relay.
Twice more, women took centre stage. Jennifer Jones skipped her rink to the first-ever perfect Games in curling history, going undefeated through the round robin and playoff matches. Team Jones beat a jittery Swedish rink, who made Canada sweat for eight ends before coming apart in the ninth. It’s the first Olympic medal for Jones & Co, and the first Canadian gold in women’s curling since Sandra Schmirler won the 1998 Games in Nagano, Japan.
On bigger ice down the road, Marie-Philip Poulin provided the heroics to bring Canada its fourth consecutive women’s hockey gold this morning. The United States was this close to wresting hockey supremacy away from Canada, up 2-0 with less than five minutes to play. Then goals by Brianne Jenner and Poulin sent the game to sudden death overtime. Poulin capitalised upon a rare 4-on-3 power play, as British referee Joy Tottman called a flurry of penalties — sending the Americans packing and the Canadians into a celebratory frenzy.
I’ve yet to see any stats on CBC viewership, but apparently NBC’s online feed was live-streamed on more than 1.2 million computers in the United States alone. That number is higher than any other piece of programming in the network’s history with the exception of this year’s SuperBowl.
Now it’s up to the men. Brad Jacobs skips the men in the curling final, and Sidney Crosby looks to lead the hockey squad past the Americans in the semi-final on Friday morning. The only advice one can give them is, “Boys, play like girls.”
Tessa Bonhomme (@tessab25) was a surprise cut for the 2014 Canadian women’s team headed for Sochi, Russia. She won gold with the squad in Vancouver in 2010. Photo borrowed from the interweb.
It’s here at last: episode 54 of the podcast, in which Chris and Jason discuss the most egregious omissions from Team Canada men’s hockey rosters, from 1972 right through to the 2014 Olympic team. Sadly, we neglected to include the sublime Tessa Bonhomme, whose sudden dismissal from the 2014 women’s squad sent shock waves through the sport.
• Intro
• Get ‘er rollin’
• 2014 Sochi Olympic snubs
• 2010 Vancouver Olympic snub
• 2006 Turin Olympic snub
• 2004 World Cup of Hockey snub
• World Championships snub
• 2002 Salt Lake Olympic snub
• 1998 Nagano Olympic snub
• 1996 World Cup of Hockey snub
• 1986 World Championships snub
• 1991 Canada Cup snub
• 1987 Canada Cup snub (hint: it’s the same dude!)
• 1972 Summit Series snub
• Wrap it up
• Time for a Change by the Orchid Highway
• Thanks for listening
It’s strange how our reactions to results vary depending on when we’re asked to respond to them.
If you’d told me after the 2011 Women’s World Cup that Canada was going to win bronze in the Olympics next year, I likely would have giggled and asked if you’d been watching. The Canadian ladies failed spectacularly in that tournament, crashing out after losing all three games in the group stage. That was a dark time. Continue reading Soccer Bronze→
Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang of China embarrassed the entire Olympic movement when they intentionally threw a match to draw a more favourable quarter final opponent. They were disqualified along with three other teams.
It’s obviously not the first time anyone has tried to lose a match for a better draw in a tournament, but these badminton players are by far the highest profile example of match fixing to be caught in the social media age.
Check out this video of the world champion Chinese women’s doubles team “competing” with a highly ranked South Korean pair at the London Olympics:
Both of these pairs, as well as another from South Korean and one from Indonesia, have been thrown out of the 2012 Games. And rightly so.
The countries these women represent should be ashamed, and willing to make an example of their unsportsmanlike conduct.
Sad to say, my good friend Ryan Kesler has taken more than his fair share of dives over the last couple of years. Get up, RK17, GET UP.
Now if only we could suspend or disqualify players in soccer and hockey who dive. Yes, that includes Ryan Kesler. Play the damned game, people, every shift, every point, every time. Play, and to every South American soccer player, I echo the same thing I yell at Kes when he pulls this kind of crap: “GET UP!!!”
I’m writing from enemy territory today: Chicago. Famous for Sammy Sosa, deep dish pizza, that huge statue of Marilyn Monroe, and the dirty, rotten, stinkin’ Blackhawks.
Well, to be fair I’m not actually in Chicago. I’m in Waukegan. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, so here you go: Where’s Waukegan? (In case you don’t want to check out the link, it’s just north of the Windy City. Or, as Hockey Broad put it, Waukegan is “far suburban Chicagoland”.
I haven’t seen any Hawks paraphernalia around town just yet, but then again it’s 30 degrees Celsius hereabouts – not exactly jersey-wearing weather. Lots of Cubs and Bulls stuff on the streets, though.
