Tag Archives: Somebody approved this

Articles, Hockey

Spaghetti, anyone?

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In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. We analyze the Canucks’ latest trip to the cash trough with today’s edition of Somebody Approved This.

The act of going retro is, like, so yesterday.

Still, the Vancouver Canucks will break out the ol’ spaghetti jerseys on February 13 to celebrate the 20th anniversary of no longer wearing these black and orange abominations the opening of Rogers Arena. It’s a great excuse to laugh at the Toronto Maple Leafs, who lost a five-game Conference Finals to those awfully dressed Vancouver Canucks back in 1994, but then again the Leafs will only have to see these damned things once. We of Lotusland will have to see a renewed population of black-and-gold fashion faux pas for years to freaking come.

Pavel Bure and Trevor Linden wore spaghetti well. That doesn't mean others should be subjected to it. Photos garnered from various interweb searches.
Pavel Bure and Trevor Linden wore spaghetti well. That doesn’t mean others should be subjected to it. Photos garnered from various interweb searches.

 
Continue reading Spaghetti, anyone? →

Articles, Soccer

Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent Scottish obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

To our regular readers of Somebody Approved This: first, an apology. Not only has it been several months since the last iteration of this column, our return today takes a radical departure from previous posts and does not deal with a jersey. We would like both of you to rest assured that this is a temporary departure, and normal jersey ridicule will resume whenever I get off my lazy ass and pen another entry. This week, in a move one imagines is designed to reduce the incidence of lost children at football matches by ensuring they spend the afternoon clinging to their parents’ legs in terror, Scottish Premiership club Partick Thistle FC unveiled their new dark prince mascot, Kingsley.

Partick Thistle Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot →

Articles, Soccer

Punctuation is hard

Earlier this week, Footy Headlines posted this leak of the 2015 Seattle Sounders jersey.
Earlier this week, Footy Headlines posted this leak of the 2015 Seattle Sounders jersey.

According to this post at Footy Headlines the Seattle Sounders are taking a proactive approach with their 2015 kit. Rather than allowing opposing teams’ supporter groups to come up with Sounder-bashing wordplay, they’re on the offensive with self-mockery that’s positively aces.

Either that, or their design team doesn’t know jack about the most basic rules of English punctuation. I mean, sure, Seattle is purty, but that doesn’t mean you can get away with this. It’s harassment, pure and simple.

Seriously, you green SOBs, say it with me: “commas save lives”. Take a class, or something. You’re just making it too easy for the rest of us.

Commas save lives.
Commas save lives.
The Seattle Sounders are apparently playing the self-mockery card this season.
The Seattle Sounders design department takes a Cormac McCarthy approach to punctuation to hilarious effect.
Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey

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In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

Recently, the National Hockey League apparently decided to just give up on their All-Star Game. “Screw it,” I imagine Gary Bettman saying, laying arms crossed inside a coffin while Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly nourishes him with the blood of the eternally youthful Jaromir Jagr. “If the fans want to turn this thing into a farce by voting in an obscure Latvian member of the Buffalo Sabres with 42 career points then we shall give them their farce!” Enter the latest in somewhat sorta hockey jersey-looking apparel. The 2015 NHL All-Star jersey, brought to you by Zellers.

BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.
BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.

Continue reading Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey →

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey

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The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com
The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

One month ago today, the Anaheim Ducks warned the world that they hated us all. Instead of disconnecting our cable, building shelters and indiscriminately hooking up with old flames, it seems that hundreds of people instead lined up to purchase a retro maroon Mighty Ducks of Anaheim jersey. You say you don’t remember, but you do: it’s the one replete with angled grey stripes and Disney’s duck-faced Jason mask.

During tonight’s game against the Ottawa Senators, the Ducks will wear these abomaroonations, play early 90s music, and charge just 93 cents for popcorn, candy and soft drinks. That’s right, folks, today you can look bad, sound worse and develop type two diabetes — all for a single greenback!

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey →

Articles, Soccer

Whitecaps Wednesday: What’s With The Price Gouging, Adidas?

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Whitecaps WednesdayWe’re now into the second week of English Premier League action. The last two Saturdays, I’ve been up at 7am to watch my chosen favourites Norwich City. What can I say; sports is my religion, and this is my flagellation. I knew going into the season that Norwich would be sporting new kits , but I hadn’t yet seen them in action. Holy cow, are those nice shirts! While watching the Canaries play a superior Everton side to a 2-2 draw on opening day, I couldn’t help but look up how much one of those bad boys would cost. Holy cow, are those cheap shirts (by sports jersey standards)! As a Whitecaps fan, I’ve come to expect that the bland shirts my club wears will cost the customer well upwards of $100. Imagine my surprise when I found that I could get a shirt from my favourite premier league side for only £45. (Yeah, yeah, I’ll do the math for you. That’s $73.80 CDN.) What’s up, Adidas? Continue reading Whitecaps Wednesday: What’s With The Price Gouging, Adidas? →

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey

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In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.

Note: This fugly spittoon shirt was originally leaked — or is that leaked upon? — as a proposed third jersey in 2011-12. We wrote it up then as the ugliest thing to come out of Long Island, and remember these clowns wore the teal and orange fishermen a while back. Sadly the lockout didn’t allow Charles Wang and his wandering minstrels of woe quite enough time to rejig the damned thing. Consequently, Isles fans are being forced to watch not only a crappy team, but a crappy team in disgusting uniforms.

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey →

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: Vancouver Millionaires

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Chris wearing the jersey he’s so thoroughly dissing.

Jersey: The maroon jersey of the 1915 Stanley Cup champion Vancouver Millionaires.

Years worn: 1911-1926 by the Millionaires.
November 20, 2008 by the Vancouver Giants.
March 16, 2013 by the Vancouver Canucks.

Reaction: Almost unanimously positive. People like them some retro jerseys.

Most famous players to wear it: Fred “Cyclone” Taylor.

Why it’s great: The colour scheme is unique, I guess. I can’t remember anyone else wearing maroon and cream since the Millionaires folded. Having a colour scheme that nobody else thought would be a good idea is a positive, right?

Why it’s garbage: It looks like someone tried to TP the Canucks but was interrupted before they got to the torso. And the pants! With all the guys in identical red hats and white pants, I wasn’t sure if I was watching a hockey game or a Pet Shop Boys music video. Oh, and the logo? Can someone find me a Windows 95 PC so I can mock that thing up in MS Paint, then build me a time machine so I can go be a graphic designer in 1910? Thanks.

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
This is the wrong way
To do red and white shirts. The
Right way won 5-2.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997

 

 

 

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: Adirondack Phantoms New Year’s Eve Jersey

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Jersey: Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Only if ye auld acquaintance is wearing this abomination by the Adirondack Phantoms.

Years worn: 2012, New Year’s Eve game only.

Reaction: Long silences while people everywhere examined this twitpic of Zack FitzGerald’s shirt for signs of Photoshop tampering.

Most famous players to wear it: Probably Brayden Schenn, who was also the one to post the picture to twitter.

Why it’s great: The jerseys were a one-shot deal that were auctioned off after the game in support of a local transition house that assists homeless teenagers. Kudos for the community involvement, Phantoms organization. Grudging respect for the cufflinks in the shape of your logo. And maybe the pinstripes. Maybe.

Why it’s garbage:  It’s ORANGE! You’re wearing an ORANGE TUXEDO! You have black  right in your logo! You could have gone black-tie formal and done the same damn thing without looking like you pulled a design out of the Don Cherry reject pile. And while I’m fixing this design for you, if you’re going to shrink the logo anyways, put it on the breast of the jacket so it doesn’t look like a mouth. The first time I saw this thing I thought the guy with the bow-tie face was smiling at me and it’s still creeping me the hell out!

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
We’ll take a cup of
Kindness yet, but not before
You throw that shirt out.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997
EHC Wolfsburg Halloween jersey, 2012

 

Articles, Hockey, Uncategorized

Somebody Approved This: EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams

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Jersey: The 2012 EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams Hallowe’en jersey.

Years worn: 2012, one game only.

Reaction: “Ha! Look, the bear’s brains are showing!”

Most famous players to wear it: Niko Dimitrakos had a good run in the NHL. Kai Hospelt is the lone Wolfsburg player to have played in the Vancouver Olympics.

Why it’s great: Wearers of European hockey jerseys tend to resemble NASCAR vehicles more than hockey players. On this jersey, however, the advertising is pleasingly subdued. The jersey also has a huge zombie bear with a scythe. And more zombies in the background. And a font that drips blood! If you love Hallowe’en, it’s impossible to dislike this jersey.

Why it’s garbage: Less is supposed to be more, when it comes to design. The crew throwing this thing together leaped on the space freed up by the reduced advertising like an American on the local 7-11’s last remaining Twinkie and used it to cram in every piece of clichéd Hallowe’en imagery they could think of. “Hey Helmut, you forgot about the witch on the broomstick flying across the moon!” “Ah scheisse, sorry Jürgen! The right shoulder’s free, see if you can squeeze it in there!”

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
Braaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnns
BRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS
Zombies suck at poetry.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997