Tag Archives: ugly jersey

Articles, Soccer

Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent Scottish obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

To our regular readers of Somebody Approved This: first, an apology. Not only has it been several months since the last iteration of this column, our return today takes a radical departure from previous posts and does not deal with a jersey. We would like both of you to rest assured that this is a temporary departure, and normal jersey ridicule will resume whenever I get off my lazy ass and pen another entry. This week, in a move one imagines is designed to reduce the incidence of lost children at football matches by ensuring they spend the afternoon clinging to their parents’ legs in terror, Scottish Premiership club Partick Thistle FC unveiled their new dark prince mascot, Kingsley.

Partick Thistle Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot →

Articles, Hockey

A gimme for the Game of Thrones marketing people

Just prior to last week’s Stadium Series — which saw the LA Kings continue their remarkable second-half winning streak with a 2-1 decision over the mysteriously mediocre San Jose Sharks — one of the Levi’s Stadium webcams got a jealous visit from a territorial black bird. No, not Patrick Kane. C’mon, Game of Thrones people. This footage is a freakin’ freebie.

As for the game, it was all right I suppose. Both of these teams can play something resembling hockey when you give them the chance. The Kings, after eight wins in nine tries, now sit third in the Pacific Division, tied with the Calgary Flames with a game in hand. The Sharks are going the other way — they’ve got just seven points in their last ten games.

Whatever. Even on a balmy California night, I don’t see the appeal behind paying a premium to sit in a baseball stadium to watch puck. The front row is hundreds of feet from the boards, for crying out loud.

Photoshop mangling by Jason Kurylo, who sobbed, 'I could work in film and television post production, I just know I could.'
Photoshop mangling by Jason Kurylo, who sobbed, ‘I could work in film and television post production, I just know I could.’
Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey

2 Comments

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

Recently, the National Hockey League apparently decided to just give up on their All-Star Game. “Screw it,” I imagine Gary Bettman saying, laying arms crossed inside a coffin while Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly nourishes him with the blood of the eternally youthful Jaromir Jagr. “If the fans want to turn this thing into a farce by voting in an obscure Latvian member of the Buffalo Sabres with 42 career points then we shall give them their farce!” Enter the latest in somewhat sorta hockey jersey-looking apparel. The 2015 NHL All-Star jersey, brought to you by Zellers.

BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.
BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.

Continue reading Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey →

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey

2 Comments
The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com
The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

One month ago today, the Anaheim Ducks warned the world that they hated us all. Instead of disconnecting our cable, building shelters and indiscriminately hooking up with old flames, it seems that hundreds of people instead lined up to purchase a retro maroon Mighty Ducks of Anaheim jersey. You say you don’t remember, but you do: it’s the one replete with angled grey stripes and Disney’s duck-faced Jason mask.

During tonight’s game against the Ottawa Senators, the Ducks will wear these abomaroonations, play early 90s music, and charge just 93 cents for popcorn, candy and soft drinks. That’s right, folks, today you can look bad, sound worse and develop type two diabetes — all for a single greenback!

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey →

Articles, Hockey

Off-season Hockey Fashion

Harrison Mooney, of the mighty Puck Daddy and the somewhat less threatening Pass It to Bulis, rocks a Ghostbusters jersey from Dave's Geeky Hockey. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Harrison Mooney, of the mighty Puck Daddy and the somewhat less threatening Pass It to Bulis, rocks a Ghostbusters jersey from Dave’s Geeky Hockey. Sopranos star and E Street Band guitarist Steven Van Zandt  looks on with stern, Jersey-soaked envy. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

As any good hockey fan knows, one can never have too many hockey shirts. Dive into those closets and dresser drawers, and you’ll find jerseys, herseys, shirseys, Ts, baby Ts, half Ts, tanks, halters, and hell, even bikini tops.

It is summertime, after all.

The sun brings out any and all of the above, as puck bunnies and puckheads alike lay about yearning for the cool air of the rink and the ardent smell of freshly used hockey gear.

Note that we here at Pucked in the Head do not condone the automatic relegation of every female fan to the title of ‘puck bunny’. We refer to fans of all genders and ages as ‘puckheads’, and only use ‘puck bunnies’ when the persons in question use the term themselves. But that’s another post. On with the fashion, dang it all!

We at Pucked in the Head support summer usage of hockey-themed upper body covering, so we’ve dedicated today’s post to a collection of photos thereof.

Sadly, we didn’t see any of the aforementioned bikini tops on Saturday, but we’ll be happy to accept photos at jason (at) puckedinthehead (dot) com. Strictly for research purposes, of course, honey. It’s for the blog, I swear.

More after the jump.

Continue reading Off-season Hockey Fashion →

Articles, Hockey

Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey

4 Comments

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.

Note: This fugly spittoon shirt was originally leaked — or is that leaked upon? — as a proposed third jersey in 2011-12. We wrote it up then as the ugliest thing to come out of Long Island, and remember these clowns wore the teal and orange fishermen a while back. Sadly the lockout didn’t allow Charles Wang and his wandering minstrels of woe quite enough time to rejig the damned thing. Consequently, Isles fans are being forced to watch not only a crappy team, but a crappy team in disgusting uniforms.

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey →

Articles, Hockey, Uncategorized

Somebody Approved This: EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams

1 Comment

Jersey: The 2012 EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams Hallowe’en jersey.

Years worn: 2012, one game only.

Reaction: “Ha! Look, the bear’s brains are showing!”

Most famous players to wear it: Niko Dimitrakos had a good run in the NHL. Kai Hospelt is the lone Wolfsburg player to have played in the Vancouver Olympics.

Why it’s great: Wearers of European hockey jerseys tend to resemble NASCAR vehicles more than hockey players. On this jersey, however, the advertising is pleasingly subdued. The jersey also has a huge zombie bear with a scythe. And more zombies in the background. And a font that drips blood! If you love Hallowe’en, it’s impossible to dislike this jersey.

Why it’s garbage: Less is supposed to be more, when it comes to design. The crew throwing this thing together leaped on the space freed up by the reduced advertising like an American on the local 7-11’s last remaining Twinkie and used it to cram in every piece of clichéd Hallowe’en imagery they could think of. “Hey Helmut, you forgot about the witch on the broomstick flying across the moon!” “Ah scheisse, sorry Jürgen! The right shoulder’s free, see if you can squeeze it in there!”

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
Braaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnns
BRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS
Zombies suck at poetry.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997

 

 

 

Articles, Hockey

24 Nov 2011 – Somebody Approved This: Vancouver Canucks Mid-90s Third Jersey

5 Comments
This bad boy may just be the ugliest of all Canucks jerseys. And that's saying somethin'.

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just the conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of rich, out-of-touch CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming implosion of gut-wrenching anticlimax. Today, we analyze the Vancouver Canucks first-ever alternate sweater. The recently rereleased Frankenchild of several other ugly jerseys, this salmon-topped nightmare is the third in our series… Somebody Approved This. Continue reading 24 Nov 2011 – Somebody Approved This: Vancouver Canucks Mid-90s Third Jersey →

Articles, Hockey

18 Nov 2011 – Somebody Approved This: Seattle Sounders 2012 Edition

6 Comments

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent Major League Soccer obscenity in our continuing series: Somebody Approved This. Continue reading 18 Nov 2011 – Somebody Approved This: Seattle Sounders 2012 Edition →