Tag Archives: ugly jerseys

Spaghetti, anyone?

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. We analyze the Canucks’ latest trip to the cash trough with today’s edition of Somebody Approved This.

The act of going retro is, like, so yesterday.

Still, the Vancouver Canucks will break out the ol’ spaghetti jerseys on February 13 to celebrate the 20th anniversary of no longer wearing these black and orange abominations the opening of Rogers Arena. It’s a great excuse to laugh at the Toronto Maple Leafs, who lost a five-game Conference Finals to those awfully dressed Vancouver Canucks back in 1994, but then again the Leafs will only have to see these damned things once. We of Lotusland will have to see a renewed population of black-and-gold fashion faux pas for years to freaking come.

Pavel Bure and Trevor Linden wore spaghetti well. That doesn't mean others should be subjected to it. Photos garnered from various interweb searches.
Pavel Bure and Trevor Linden wore spaghetti well. That doesn’t mean others should be subjected to it. Photos garnered from various interweb searches.

 
Continue reading Spaghetti, anyone?

Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent Scottish obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

To our regular readers of Somebody Approved This: first, an apology. Not only has it been several months since the last iteration of this column, our return today takes a radical departure from previous posts and does not deal with a jersey. We would like both of you to rest assured that this is a temporary departure, and normal jersey ridicule will resume whenever I get off my lazy ass and pen another entry. This week, in a move one imagines is designed to reduce the incidence of lost children at football matches by ensuring they spend the afternoon clinging to their parents’ legs in terror, Scottish Premiership club Partick Thistle FC unveiled their new dark prince mascot, Kingsley.

Partick Thistle Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Partick Thistle FC’s 2015 Mascot

Episode 58 – What jerseys not to wear

When you think high fashion, you think Pucked in the Head. I mean, Chris Withers alone owns the most colourful questionable jersey collection jersey collection this side of the Mississippi amongst the three main contributors to this website.

In this cast of pod, those other two PITH-y pinheads drone on about colour schemes and logo design until they’ve painted themselves into a Peyote Coyote corner. (Note, no peyote was used during the preparation or recording of this particular episode. Maybe that was the problem?)

* Intro
* Sofa Surfer Girl by the Orchid Highway
* LA Kings paper curtains
* Canucks Hallowe’en Flying Vees
* Workmarks bite hockey bag as a rule
* Best of the best
* WTF, Ducks?
* Now that you mention it, WTF, California?
* Do you seriously want to go into other sports?
* Never have a cartoon mascot leap out of the jersey
* The Peyote Coyote: ugly jersey, funky shirt, or both?
* You can’t leave without dissing the Buffaslug
* Kill all the mustard yellow
* Adios, muchachos
* Time for a Change by the Orchid Highway

Each and every one gets a passing grade from the likes of Chris Withers, so Russell Arbuthnot and Jason Kurylo decided to chat some hockey fashion in Episode 58.
Each and every one gets a passing grade from the likes of Chris Withers, so Russell Arbuthnot and Jason Kurylo decided to chat some hockey fashion in Episode 58.

A gimme for the Game of Thrones marketing people

Just prior to last week’s Stadium Series — which saw the LA Kings continue their remarkable second-half winning streak with a 2-1 decision over the mysteriously mediocre San Jose Sharks — one of the Levi’s Stadium webcams got a jealous visit from a territorial black bird. No, not Patrick Kane. C’mon, Game of Thrones people. This footage is a freakin’ freebie.

As for the game, it was all right I suppose. Both of these teams can play something resembling hockey when you give them the chance. The Kings, after eight wins in nine tries, now sit third in the Pacific Division, tied with the Calgary Flames with a game in hand. The Sharks are going the other way — they’ve got just seven points in their last ten games.

Whatever. Even on a balmy California night, I don’t see the appeal behind paying a premium to sit in a baseball stadium to watch puck. The front row is hundreds of feet from the boards, for crying out loud.

Photoshop mangling by Jason Kurylo, who sobbed, 'I could work in film and television post production, I just know I could.'
Photoshop mangling by Jason Kurylo, who sobbed, ‘I could work in film and television post production, I just know I could.’

Giants beat Memorial Cup champion Oil Kings

The Vancouver Giants won their third straight home game with a messy but satisfying 3-1 decision over the Edmonton Oil Kings. It wasn’t a high-flying, high-scoring, fight-filled affair like the previous two wins over Red Deer and Seattle, but hey, a win is a win is a win.

Edgars Kulda of the Edmonton Oil Kings looks for a tip in front of Vancouver Giants goaltender Cody Porter. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Edgars Kulda of the Edmonton Oil Kings looks for a tip in front of Vancouver Giants goaltender Cody Porter. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Carter Popoff popped off a pair of goals, including an empty netter, and now sits at a team-high 22 goals. Only Zane Jones’s moustache has more scores this season, but 18 of the nose tickler’s 26 goals came with other clubs before it and Zane Jones himself joined the Giants in a trade in early January, and the countless young ladies swooning over that ginger liprug just don’t count. Rookie left winger Vladimir Bobylev potted his third of the year in the second period, and that wound up being the game winning goal.

Let’s be clear. This Edmonton team is not the same one that won the Memorial Cup last year. When he’s not winning World Junior gold, Curtis Lazar is playing for Ottawa Senators. Griffin Reinhart also won one of them shiny medallions, and has split the rest of the year between the New York Islanders and their AHL affiliate Bridgeport Sound Tigers. (Aside: what the hell is a sound tiger? A jungle cat whose mental acuity isn’t in question?) Put plainly, the Oil Kings ain’t a patch on last year’s Eastern Conference-winning team.

Edgars Kulda had his share of supporters in the crowd as his Edmonton Oil Kings lost 3-1 to the Vancouver Giants. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Edgars Kulda had his share of supporters in the crowd as his Edmonton Oil Kings lost 3-1 to the Vancouver Giants. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Still, a defending champion, even one tenuously holding onto their own playoff spot, walks into every building with a certain swagger. There were scores of classic red, white and gold Oil Kings shirts at the Coliseum on Wednesday — even if the visiting team wore awful black third jerseys neon green trim on the ice. Edgars Kulda, whose older brother Artūrs played for Latvia in 2014 at both the Olympics and World Championships, received cheers from countrymen every time he approached the puck, but it was Lane Bauer who scored Edmonton’s only goal on the night. Cody Porter was solid in his 12th win of the year, stopping 31 of 32 shots, several of the point-blank rebound variety.

Brett Pollock of the Edmonton Oil Kings models perhaps the ugliest third jersey in the WHL this season. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Brett Pollock of the Edmonton Oil Kings models perhaps the ugliest third jersey in the WHL this season. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

The Giants hit the road for a pair of weekend games south of the border, back-to-back puck drops against the Everett Silvertips and Tri-City Americans. For the moment, .despite being seven games under .500, Vancouver sits in a playoff position; the G-Men are one point up on Kamloops with a game in hand.

The next Giants home game is Wednesday, February 18 against the Moose Jaw Warriors — it’s a noon game on a weekday, which means the lower bowl will be packed with school children on field trips. The energy in the place is outstanding for this game every year, a promotion the Giants are calling Hooky Day.

Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

Recently, the National Hockey League apparently decided to just give up on their All-Star Game. “Screw it,” I imagine Gary Bettman saying, laying arms crossed inside a coffin while Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly nourishes him with the blood of the eternally youthful Jaromir Jagr. “If the fans want to turn this thing into a farce by voting in an obscure Latvian member of the Buffalo Sabres with 42 career points then we shall give them their farce!” Enter the latest in somewhat sorta hockey jersey-looking apparel. The 2015 NHL All-Star jersey, brought to you by Zellers.

BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.
BMX hockey tribute jackets? Nope. These are the actual 2015 NHL All-Star Game jerseys. Not even Chris Withers likes them.

Continue reading Somebody Approved This: 2015 NHL All-Star Jersey

Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey

The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com
The hideous runs so wide and so deep in this maroon disaster, not even Teemu Selanne can cleanse my eye sockets. Photo stolen from ducks.nhl.com

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the resurrection of Somebody Approved This.

One month ago today, the Anaheim Ducks warned the world that they hated us all. Instead of disconnecting our cable, building shelters and indiscriminately hooking up with old flames, it seems that hundreds of people instead lined up to purchase a retro maroon Mighty Ducks of Anaheim jersey. You say you don’t remember, but you do: it’s the one replete with angled grey stripes and Disney’s duck-faced Jason mask.

During tonight’s game against the Ottawa Senators, the Ducks will wear these abomaroonations, play early 90s music, and charge just 93 cents for popcorn, candy and soft drinks. That’s right, folks, today you can look bad, sound worse and develop type two diabetes — all for a single greenback!

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Retro Jersey

Off-season Hockey Fashion

Harrison Mooney, of the mighty Puck Daddy and the somewhat less threatening Pass It to Bulis, rocks a Ghostbusters jersey from Dave's Geeky Hockey. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Harrison Mooney, of the mighty Puck Daddy and the somewhat less threatening Pass It to Bulis, rocks a Ghostbusters jersey from Dave’s Geeky Hockey. Sopranos star and E Street Band guitarist Steven Van Zandt  looks on with stern, Jersey-soaked envy. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

As any good hockey fan knows, one can never have too many hockey shirts. Dive into those closets and dresser drawers, and you’ll find jerseys, herseys, shirseys, Ts, baby Ts, half Ts, tanks, halters, and hell, even bikini tops.

It is summertime, after all.

The sun brings out any and all of the above, as puck bunnies and puckheads alike lay about yearning for the cool air of the rink and the ardent smell of freshly used hockey gear.

Note that we here at Pucked in the Head do not condone the automatic relegation of every female fan to the title of ‘puck bunny’. We refer to fans of all genders and ages as ‘puckheads’, and only use ‘puck bunnies’ when the persons in question use the term themselves. But that’s another post. On with the fashion, dang it all!

We at Pucked in the Head support summer usage of hockey-themed upper body covering, so we’ve dedicated today’s post to a collection of photos thereof.

Sadly, we didn’t see any of the aforementioned bikini tops on Saturday, but we’ll be happy to accept photos at jason (at) puckedinthehead (dot) com. Strictly for research purposes, of course, honey. It’s for the blog, I swear.

More after the jump.

Continue reading Off-season Hockey Fashion

Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey

In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.

Note: This fugly spittoon shirt was originally leaked — or is that leaked upon? — as a proposed third jersey in 2011-12. We wrote it up then as the ugliest thing to come out of Long Island, and remember these clowns wore the teal and orange fishermen a while back. Sadly the lockout didn’t allow Charles Wang and his wandering minstrels of woe quite enough time to rejig the damned thing. Consequently, Isles fans are being forced to watch not only a crappy team, but a crappy team in disgusting uniforms.

More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break. Continue reading Somebody Approved This: New York Islanders 2013 Third Jersey

Somebody Approved This: EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams

Jersey: The 2012 EHC Wolfsburg Grizzly Adams Hallowe’en jersey.

Years worn: 2012, one game only.

Reaction: “Ha! Look, the bear’s brains are showing!”

Most famous players to wear it: Niko Dimitrakos had a good run in the NHL. Kai Hospelt is the lone Wolfsburg player to have played in the Vancouver Olympics.

Why it’s great: Wearers of European hockey jerseys tend to resemble NASCAR vehicles more than hockey players. On this jersey, however, the advertising is pleasingly subdued. The jersey also has a huge zombie bear with a scythe. And more zombies in the background. And a font that drips blood! If you love Hallowe’en, it’s impossible to dislike this jersey.

Why it’s garbage: Less is supposed to be more, when it comes to design. The crew throwing this thing together leaped on the space freed up by the reduced advertising like an American on the local 7-11’s last remaining Twinkie and used it to cram in every piece of clichéd Hallowe’en imagery they could think of. “Hey Helmut, you forgot about the witch on the broomstick flying across the moon!” “Ah scheisse, sorry Jürgen! The right shoulder’s free, see if you can squeeze it in there!”

Haiku to describe Chris’s feelings whenever he sees this jersey:
Braaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnns
BRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS
Zombies suck at poetry.

Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
New York Islanders third jersey (rumoured), 2012
Seattle Sounders third jersey, 2012
Vancouver Canucks alternate jersey, 1995-1997