First kick is still months away, but the Whitecaps still managed to steal some ink away from the return of Roberto Luongo this week. The 2015 MLS schedule was released (along with the signing of Liverpool legend Steven Gerrard to the LA Galaxy), giving local soccer fans a case of the tweets. Thankfully, they’re much more pleasant than the trots, which have plagued TFC fans since Jermain “Bloody Big Deal” Defoe was linked to no fewer than four Premier League teams over the Christmas break.
But I digress. This is about the Whitecaps, their newly minted contract with Uruguayan striker Octavio Rivero, and the 2015 MLS schedule. The PDF file is below for your perusal, and doesn’t yet include Canadian Championships or Champions League matches — that’s right, baby, the Caps are reppin’ CONCACAF this year! — but let us give you a few dates to circle on the ol’ calendar right here and now.
7 March vs Toronto FC — 3:30pm at BC Place
Ahhh, first kick. Dude, I need this.
Vancouverites rarely need much of a push to ridicule Toronto. In hockey, in soccer, in art, in politics, we adore denouncing Hogtown with a passion you can’t possibly comprehend. To wit:
Having gone from ‘groundbreaking’ to ‘heartbreaking’ once again, those poor bastards who call themselves the Red Patch Boys must be eyeing their cousins at Leafs games, quill scratching at the notepad with unmatched fury. Three questions remain:
- How will TFC fans get close enough to toss their jerseys on the pitch?
- “Does my protest still count if I throw a TFC shirt on the ice at the ACC? I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL MARCH GOD DAMN IT. All my sports money went to Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment anyway…”
- What does this do to MLSE’s agreement with Tottenham, whence our man Jermain didst come?
One of those questions is serious.
28 March vs Portland Timbers — time TBD at BC Place
The Whitecaps have won consecutive Cascadia Cups despite surrendering fourteen goals to the dirty, rotten, stinkin’ Timbers in six matches. A mathematical improbability, sure, but the fact remains, that beautiful trophy stays in residency at BC Place for at least one more year.
4 April vs LA Galaxy, time TBD at BC Place
The Galaxy won’t have the aforementioned Gerrard on the roster quite yet. Nor will they have the now-retired Landon Donovan on the pitch, or the long-gone David Beckham (whose name I heard mentioned a few times at last year’s match — “where is Beckham?”, one teen asked his dad, and one woman intoned, “I hope David subs on in the second half”. He’s gone, people. Deal.) Robbie Keane still offers up plenty of name-brand firepower, however, so don’t look for the Galaxy to roll over. If the Caps want three points, they’ll have to earn it.
26 September vs New York City FC, time TBD at BC Place
We won’t see Orlando City in these parts until next season, but even if Frank Lampard indeed turns up his nose at MLS, David Villa and the rest of his expansion brothers from NYCFC are set to trod the turf in Vancouver for the first time. The Southsiders, Curva Collective and Rain City Brigade are always vocal, but you can damn well bet your booty they’ll have a few choice chants for the perpetrators of Lampardgate.
1 August at Seattle Sounders, time TBD at Century Link Field
Book your trip now. Seriously, you have to see live sports in Seattle. Whether it’s the Seahawks, Mariners or Thunderbirds, these folks do up sports right. I mean, come on, look at this fricking tifo already. Oh, and the Caps went undefeated against the powerhouse from the Emerald City, drawing once and winning outright over the Sounders twice, so the actual game should be pretty fun, too.
7–14 Oct vs FC Dallas at BC Place & FC Dallas Stadium
Late in the season, the Caps have a home-and-home series against the dastardly divers from FC Dallas. This team has probably the worst reputation for simulation of all MLS franchises, and there’s no reason to think they’ll remember how to stand up over the off-season. Two years ago, Houston Dynamo coach Dom Kinnear said FC Dallas dives were “a sickening epidemic” that makes him want to blow chunks. You just know the standings will make these two games as tense as an interfaith discussion of Przywara’s schwebe and schwebende Mitte, am I right? Come on, Catholics and Protestants talking the finer points of didactic duali… oh, forget it. They’ll be as tense as a taut rubber band.
Here’s your schedule:
WFC-schedule-2015